The recent rash of high profile men who are accused or have admitted to sexual harassment and assault are being shamed, fired and in jeopardy of losing their political offices. This has caused a bit of anxiety among some men who fear that all men are being painted with the same large brush as sexual predators. The "NOT ALL MEN" voices are loud and getting angry. The thing is that I have had dozens of conversations with dozens of women I personally know and all have a story of a time a man has violated their personal space, made them uncomfortable in a sexualized context or assaulted them. Women in the 20s through their 70s. Women of wealth and education and women or neither. Conservative, liberal and apolitical women. Something is seriously wrong with the way men and women interact in many areas of life and it is mostly being seen in the work place where men with power and control of women's careers or economics take advantage of that. But it appears that there are plenty of less cut and dried situations where women have felt they were made vulnerable.
The following is a thread from my Twitter feed in response to a man who said only a tiny minority of men act inappropriately toward women and not all men should be blamed:
Jim, as a man who thinks he has never been someone like that (referring to sexually inappropriate behavior in an earlier tweet) I can't honestly say that I know for sure because we socialize women to not tell us and we socialize men to act this way. I know I have never attacked a woman. I know that I have never held a woman in a space against her will, I know I have never shown my genitals to a woman that was not my lover, but I can't say that some woman in my past did not feel threatened by my actions. My intent is not fully relevant if the person in question is both feeling threatened and at the same time socialized not to respond. This new era of woman standing up may change the way that women and men deal with it. Bottom line is that we are looking at power not flirtation. We are looking at control not seduction. That is the problem of how we socialize women and men sexually. And women are over it (thank God).
Sex is a weapon in many of the incidence that are being discussed on daily news programs. It is not about desire or even lust, it is often about control and power. Many of the men listed in various accusation could have found women who would willingly be with them. For some, money, power, access and fame are aphrodisiacs. But they didn't want partners or equals, they wanted to dominate, shame or somehow own a piece of these women.
But the less than clear situations do need to be addressed, but the rising voices that men can't flirt or a ridiculous article in the Los Angles Times today that asks if men could still hug women. (the answer is no if she doesn't want you to). I believe there are many layers to the issues of sexuality and the use of sex ans sexual language as a way to inflict power. But it starts with how we raise our children to understand how to interact with others.
Currently men seemed to be socialized from an early age that when it comes to sex to act as if they are on a campaign to conquer defended land. "Did you get very far" is one of the many quotes we use to discuss men's sexual activity with women. For women they are socialized to defend the line that men want to cross. In fact if women don't put up a fight and express their own sexual desire they are often shamed. Also much of our culture eschews teaching about sexuality and pretends that if we tell teens not to have sex then they won't. It is a troubling cycle but I think the recent news and the openness for women to talk about their experiences we may make a breakthrough.
We must teach young people that they are in control of their own bodies. They should never be forced to kiss and hug anyone at and earlier age. As young people grow they should be given not only information on how their bodies work but how their minds work in relationship to the desires of their bodies and that they have the right to control their own body. This could include many things including not shaming for how they look, talk, act or express themselves.
We may be in a new era. Every day more and more stories come out. In less public situations more and more women are confronting men around them who make them feel uncomfortable and more and more men are rethinking how they see the world. But the process will be slow and it is up to us to help teach the next generation. Maybe we needed this recent explosion and we may find that it tarnishes people we love. I think it is worth it.
The following is a thread from my Twitter feed in response to a man who said only a tiny minority of men act inappropriately toward women and not all men should be blamed:
Jim, as a man who thinks he has never been someone like that (referring to sexually inappropriate behavior in an earlier tweet) I can't honestly say that I know for sure because we socialize women to not tell us and we socialize men to act this way. I know I have never attacked a woman. I know that I have never held a woman in a space against her will, I know I have never shown my genitals to a woman that was not my lover, but I can't say that some woman in my past did not feel threatened by my actions. My intent is not fully relevant if the person in question is both feeling threatened and at the same time socialized not to respond. This new era of woman standing up may change the way that women and men deal with it. Bottom line is that we are looking at power not flirtation. We are looking at control not seduction. That is the problem of how we socialize women and men sexually. And women are over it (thank God).
Sex is a weapon in many of the incidence that are being discussed on daily news programs. It is not about desire or even lust, it is often about control and power. Many of the men listed in various accusation could have found women who would willingly be with them. For some, money, power, access and fame are aphrodisiacs. But they didn't want partners or equals, they wanted to dominate, shame or somehow own a piece of these women.
But the less than clear situations do need to be addressed, but the rising voices that men can't flirt or a ridiculous article in the Los Angles Times today that asks if men could still hug women. (the answer is no if she doesn't want you to). I believe there are many layers to the issues of sexuality and the use of sex ans sexual language as a way to inflict power. But it starts with how we raise our children to understand how to interact with others.
Currently men seemed to be socialized from an early age that when it comes to sex to act as if they are on a campaign to conquer defended land. "Did you get very far" is one of the many quotes we use to discuss men's sexual activity with women. For women they are socialized to defend the line that men want to cross. In fact if women don't put up a fight and express their own sexual desire they are often shamed. Also much of our culture eschews teaching about sexuality and pretends that if we tell teens not to have sex then they won't. It is a troubling cycle but I think the recent news and the openness for women to talk about their experiences we may make a breakthrough.
We must teach young people that they are in control of their own bodies. They should never be forced to kiss and hug anyone at and earlier age. As young people grow they should be given not only information on how their bodies work but how their minds work in relationship to the desires of their bodies and that they have the right to control their own body. This could include many things including not shaming for how they look, talk, act or express themselves.
We may be in a new era. Every day more and more stories come out. In less public situations more and more women are confronting men around them who make them feel uncomfortable and more and more men are rethinking how they see the world. But the process will be slow and it is up to us to help teach the next generation. Maybe we needed this recent explosion and we may find that it tarnishes people we love. I think it is worth it.
No comments:
Post a Comment