When Alek Minassian drove his van into a crowd in Toronto, a motivating factor was to strike a blow for the Incel movement. Incel, short for involuntarily celibate is a mostly mens ideology that has taken over sections of the web. They argue that they are oppressed because they cannot have sex, even though they want to be sexually active. This is a growing voice that even found a home in a recent New York Times article. The article quotes Robin Hanson, a George Mason economist as saying:
If we are concerned about the just distribution of property and money, why do we assume that the desire for some sort of sexual redistribution is inherently ridiculous?
But it is, because you can't really redistribute sex. Unlike money, food property and even opportunity, these are all things that require the sacrifice of stuff. Sex, to be redistributed, would require someone not willing to engage in a sexual encounter with someone to, in fact, to do. The New York Times editorial seems to suggest that those who are unable to find a sexual partner will benefit from legalizing sex workers and the growing ability to use technology to replace actual partners. Like a you in HBO's Westworld, where human-like androids will completely simulate any act you would like and using Artificial Intelligence, become indistinguishable from a real human. Here is problem with that assumption.
The leaders of the Incel movement are not really interested in sex. Let me be clear, because this is nothing new. They are not interested in sex, this isn't simply about lust, it is about control. It is about anger. Elliot Rodger, who Minassian praised right before his attack, is a perfect example of this anger that leads to violence. in 2014 Rodger killed 6 people and wounded 14 others in a attacks that including stabbing, shooting and using his vehicle as a weapon before taking his own life. In his manifesto My Twisted World, Rodger wrote:
I'm 22 years old and I'm still a virgin. I've never even kissed a girl. I've been through college for two and a half years, more than that actually, and I'm still a virgin. It has been very torturous. College is the time when everyone experiences those things such as sex and fun and pleasure. Within those years, I've had to rot in loneliness. It's not fair. You girls have never been attracted to me. I don't know why you girls aren't attracted to me, but I will punish you all for it. It's an injustice, a crime, because ... I don't know what you don't see in me. I'm the perfect guy and yet you throw yourselves at these obnoxious men instead of me, the supreme gentleman
These sentiments are not new. I have wanted to date both in high school and college certain girls/women to no avail, only to watch them date guys who treated them badly. It is not an unusual circumstance, especially for non-attractive, non-athletic, or non-popular people. In many shows about high school friends there is always the archetypal friend who is a little goofy, always able to be relied on, and yet completely undatable by typical girls. But in real life and its reflection in the entertainment what often happens is that someone does find them desirable who may not be the most popular or physically attractive girl. But they find a way to connect. (sometimes the reveal is that they all clean up rather nicely and under bad hair and horn-rimmed glasses they are stunning, but that is a different kind of misogyny).
But that is not what these Incel members want. Their world-view is that they should be entitled to the attention of the person they want. That there is a fundamental principle that rejecting them is the result of evil intent and they desire to be punished for such. That has led to Rodger and Minassian not to seek out women who may have similar interests and may well find them attractive but to stew in the fever swamp of the Men's Rights movement of the internet until they are so angry at the world that no one wants to be near them. I have heard many women reject guys not because they aren't good looking but because they are just ugly to the core, always angry and filled with a sense of hate at an unfair world. Sex robot and VR porn and even real-life sex workers are not going to be the answer to this disease that festers deep in the hearts and minds of these men (and to be fair a handful of women). What we need is to start teaching at an early age about sexuality and how to build strong non-sexual relationships with someone you might find attractive. If a man looks at every women he meets as a sexual object he is not seeing a woman he is seeing parts or tools.
Teaching relationship skills from an early age could help develop positive friendship between people who have the potential to be physically and emotionally attracted to each other. Some simple things we can do.
1. Stop always separating boys and girls in activities in elementary school. That is when real friendship can be taught free of over-active hormones of puberty.
2. Eliminate the term friend-zone from our everyday vocabulary. If a woman/girl just wants to be friends with a boy who is attracted to her (or the opposite a boy making the same decision) it should not be seen as negative. It may be difficult for the rejected person but it is not a failure on the rejecter.
3. Stop slut shaming. It feeds the mentality that women who reject the advance of someone, while engaging in sexual behavior with others, is somehow being unfair or evil.
4. Raise boys to not see sex as a hurdle to get over, or a achievement to obtain fast and often. We do this when we think of sex like gain ground in a game, or when we use terms like virgin as an insult to a man.
5. Our sexuality is something we own ourselves, not the culture. How we define it is up to us. That isn't to say that consequences shouldn't be discussed, they should, but like everything we should educate young people how to properly explore it. Frank, open discussions that are comprehensive are the best. From developing relationships to intimate encounters, we need to give people the tools to express themselves.
There are too many angry people (mostly men) out there who feel the world owes them the ability to have the person they want, when they want, how they want. Anything less is cause for rebellion, using their own words. This is not a positive human condition. We must stop blaming women for the men's failures to be worthy of partnership, and stop laughing off their anger. People are dying.
If we are concerned about the just distribution of property and money, why do we assume that the desire for some sort of sexual redistribution is inherently ridiculous?
But it is, because you can't really redistribute sex. Unlike money, food property and even opportunity, these are all things that require the sacrifice of stuff. Sex, to be redistributed, would require someone not willing to engage in a sexual encounter with someone to, in fact, to do. The New York Times editorial seems to suggest that those who are unable to find a sexual partner will benefit from legalizing sex workers and the growing ability to use technology to replace actual partners. Like a you in HBO's Westworld, where human-like androids will completely simulate any act you would like and using Artificial Intelligence, become indistinguishable from a real human. Here is problem with that assumption.
The leaders of the Incel movement are not really interested in sex. Let me be clear, because this is nothing new. They are not interested in sex, this isn't simply about lust, it is about control. It is about anger. Elliot Rodger, who Minassian praised right before his attack, is a perfect example of this anger that leads to violence. in 2014 Rodger killed 6 people and wounded 14 others in a attacks that including stabbing, shooting and using his vehicle as a weapon before taking his own life. In his manifesto My Twisted World, Rodger wrote:
I'm 22 years old and I'm still a virgin. I've never even kissed a girl. I've been through college for two and a half years, more than that actually, and I'm still a virgin. It has been very torturous. College is the time when everyone experiences those things such as sex and fun and pleasure. Within those years, I've had to rot in loneliness. It's not fair. You girls have never been attracted to me. I don't know why you girls aren't attracted to me, but I will punish you all for it. It's an injustice, a crime, because ... I don't know what you don't see in me. I'm the perfect guy and yet you throw yourselves at these obnoxious men instead of me, the supreme gentleman
These sentiments are not new. I have wanted to date both in high school and college certain girls/women to no avail, only to watch them date guys who treated them badly. It is not an unusual circumstance, especially for non-attractive, non-athletic, or non-popular people. In many shows about high school friends there is always the archetypal friend who is a little goofy, always able to be relied on, and yet completely undatable by typical girls. But in real life and its reflection in the entertainment what often happens is that someone does find them desirable who may not be the most popular or physically attractive girl. But they find a way to connect. (sometimes the reveal is that they all clean up rather nicely and under bad hair and horn-rimmed glasses they are stunning, but that is a different kind of misogyny).
But that is not what these Incel members want. Their world-view is that they should be entitled to the attention of the person they want. That there is a fundamental principle that rejecting them is the result of evil intent and they desire to be punished for such. That has led to Rodger and Minassian not to seek out women who may have similar interests and may well find them attractive but to stew in the fever swamp of the Men's Rights movement of the internet until they are so angry at the world that no one wants to be near them. I have heard many women reject guys not because they aren't good looking but because they are just ugly to the core, always angry and filled with a sense of hate at an unfair world. Sex robot and VR porn and even real-life sex workers are not going to be the answer to this disease that festers deep in the hearts and minds of these men (and to be fair a handful of women). What we need is to start teaching at an early age about sexuality and how to build strong non-sexual relationships with someone you might find attractive. If a man looks at every women he meets as a sexual object he is not seeing a woman he is seeing parts or tools.
Teaching relationship skills from an early age could help develop positive friendship between people who have the potential to be physically and emotionally attracted to each other. Some simple things we can do.
1. Stop always separating boys and girls in activities in elementary school. That is when real friendship can be taught free of over-active hormones of puberty.
2. Eliminate the term friend-zone from our everyday vocabulary. If a woman/girl just wants to be friends with a boy who is attracted to her (or the opposite a boy making the same decision) it should not be seen as negative. It may be difficult for the rejected person but it is not a failure on the rejecter.
3. Stop slut shaming. It feeds the mentality that women who reject the advance of someone, while engaging in sexual behavior with others, is somehow being unfair or evil.
4. Raise boys to not see sex as a hurdle to get over, or a achievement to obtain fast and often. We do this when we think of sex like gain ground in a game, or when we use terms like virgin as an insult to a man.
5. Our sexuality is something we own ourselves, not the culture. How we define it is up to us. That isn't to say that consequences shouldn't be discussed, they should, but like everything we should educate young people how to properly explore it. Frank, open discussions that are comprehensive are the best. From developing relationships to intimate encounters, we need to give people the tools to express themselves.
There are too many angry people (mostly men) out there who feel the world owes them the ability to have the person they want, when they want, how they want. Anything less is cause for rebellion, using their own words. This is not a positive human condition. We must stop blaming women for the men's failures to be worthy of partnership, and stop laughing off their anger. People are dying.
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