This morning I woke up with a little spring in my step. It is Friday, Shabbat is almost here. I can work outside this weekend for a bit and then I saw the Washington Capitals won the Stanley Cup. Yes, I am more a Canadians fan but happy to see this franchise get a cup.
Went about my business and looked down at a tweet: If you need help call 1-800-273-8255 #AnthonyBourdain. I was rocked, it was the same source that I learned a few days ago about Kate Spade's suicide. I know the person who did this and knew it couldn't be a cruel joke. I quickly look and there, on the small screen of my phone, the story. A man I respect, a man who appeared to all of us to have so much to live for, a man who cared about justice and peace and a global community of understanding had taken his own life. He died of suicide. Let's be clear, he didn't commit suicide, that suggests a strong sense of agency. The disease of him mind took his life.
Too often suicide is seen as a failure of constitution. Some how weak people do it. Yet many who die by their own hand have shown great strength of character and bravery in their lives. Bourdain is an example of that. He rose to fame with a confessional story of life in the restaurant industry including his own confessional that included bad behavior and drug use. He traveled the world walking with people who disagreed with him politically but found a way to find common understanding around a dinner table. Hard drinking and foul mouthed, Bourbain had a public persona that was off-putting to many but still created a welcoming spirit who followed his adventures, most recently on CNN. In a recent episode in West Virginia he sat with people who admitted that they and he would probably not agree on much. It was a telling episode in light of the current public divide on politics and culture. He was an outspoken supporter of the #metoo movement even if it meant calling out friends in his industry. This again showed strength of character as he could have stayed quiet and not dealt with the issue. But the slice of him we saw was not like that and those who knew him better said things like this: Tom Colicchio of TOP CHEF fame wrote on Twitter:
There was one time I got to hear him speak with Eric Ripert, the chef friend who found him this morning when they were in Paris together. His language was peppered with many swear words so at the Q&A portion a woman asked him if he speaks like that in front of his daughter. She continued that she brought her 9 year old daughter and was embarrassed by the language coming from a father. He retorted with asking what made her think it was safe to bring he child to hear Anthony Bourdain?
So again, twice in one week, we are struck with the idea that even the wealthy, famous and apparently happy can fall prey to the demons that can invade our heads. Wealth, fame and apparent happiness are not immunizations against mental illness and the torture of the brain. Those demons do not look at your bank account or your twitter followers. We shouldn't assume that people have no reason to be struggling just because they are successful.
Suicide has become a much more common killer in the last two decades. I haven't studied it so I can't fully comment as to why that is so. In my life I have known about a dozen people who have died by suicide and several dozen who attempted or sought help to avoid it. Sometimes the idea of feeling nothing is better for a mind that seems to always feel torture. There are ways to help. It is not easy but it is something we can do. Listen to friends without judgement. Never say "What do you have to be upset about you have...." Listen to your empathetic feelings with others, if you think something might be wrong, ask or at least find a way to be open to anyone who is in need. Share with everyone that there is help out there. Here are some wonderful support lines including one you can text.
Went about my business and looked down at a tweet: If you need help call 1-800-273-8255 #AnthonyBourdain. I was rocked, it was the same source that I learned a few days ago about Kate Spade's suicide. I know the person who did this and knew it couldn't be a cruel joke. I quickly look and there, on the small screen of my phone, the story. A man I respect, a man who appeared to all of us to have so much to live for, a man who cared about justice and peace and a global community of understanding had taken his own life. He died of suicide. Let's be clear, he didn't commit suicide, that suggests a strong sense of agency. The disease of him mind took his life.
Too often suicide is seen as a failure of constitution. Some how weak people do it. Yet many who die by their own hand have shown great strength of character and bravery in their lives. Bourdain is an example of that. He rose to fame with a confessional story of life in the restaurant industry including his own confessional that included bad behavior and drug use. He traveled the world walking with people who disagreed with him politically but found a way to find common understanding around a dinner table. Hard drinking and foul mouthed, Bourbain had a public persona that was off-putting to many but still created a welcoming spirit who followed his adventures, most recently on CNN. In a recent episode in West Virginia he sat with people who admitted that they and he would probably not agree on much. It was a telling episode in light of the current public divide on politics and culture. He was an outspoken supporter of the #metoo movement even if it meant calling out friends in his industry. This again showed strength of character as he could have stayed quiet and not dealt with the issue. But the slice of him we saw was not like that and those who knew him better said things like this: Tom Colicchio of TOP CHEF fame wrote on Twitter:
RIP doubtful. Tony’s restless spirit will roam the earth in search
of justice, truth and a great bowl of noodles. @Bourdain
There was one time I got to hear him speak with Eric Ripert, the chef friend who found him this morning when they were in Paris together. His language was peppered with many swear words so at the Q&A portion a woman asked him if he speaks like that in front of his daughter. She continued that she brought her 9 year old daughter and was embarrassed by the language coming from a father. He retorted with asking what made her think it was safe to bring he child to hear Anthony Bourdain?
So again, twice in one week, we are struck with the idea that even the wealthy, famous and apparently happy can fall prey to the demons that can invade our heads. Wealth, fame and apparent happiness are not immunizations against mental illness and the torture of the brain. Those demons do not look at your bank account or your twitter followers. We shouldn't assume that people have no reason to be struggling just because they are successful.
Suicide has become a much more common killer in the last two decades. I haven't studied it so I can't fully comment as to why that is so. In my life I have known about a dozen people who have died by suicide and several dozen who attempted or sought help to avoid it. Sometimes the idea of feeling nothing is better for a mind that seems to always feel torture. There are ways to help. It is not easy but it is something we can do. Listen to friends without judgement. Never say "What do you have to be upset about you have...." Listen to your empathetic feelings with others, if you think something might be wrong, ask or at least find a way to be open to anyone who is in need. Share with everyone that there is help out there. Here are some wonderful support lines including one you can text.
- Suicide Hotline: 1-800-273-TALK. It’s free and open 24/7.
- Trans Lifeline: US (877) 565-8860
- Crisis Text Line: Text HELLO to 741741
- Veterans Crisis Line: 1-800-273-8255 and Press 1
Every day someone takes their life. They are our neighbors, our friends, our military heroes and of course celebrities. We cannot save everyone but like the girl on beach throwing star fish into the ocean one at a time we can save some. To save a life is to save the world, let's all try to find a way to save the world over and over again. May Kate Spade and Anthony Bourdain and all the less celebrated people who lost their battle with the demons be welcomed into the arms of Eternity and May their memory not only bring a blessing, but like the great shofar, call us to action.
1 comment:
Beautifully said. Thank you.
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