I was already feeling less than generous about the world as I pulled in to get gas this morning. Drivers seemed to not notice others around them and as I turned into the station cars were parked everywhere, making the actual turns into the slip difficult at best. So when I finally got to the pump I looked up to notice a Jeep in front of me. It was older and looked well used, maybe a work vehicle. In the back window was a Star Wars family sticker. (you know like the stick figures you see only with Yoda, Luke etc.) and then I saw another one. It said "My family is different from yours" and it was pictures of guns see here. Above was an NRA sticker. So immediately I thought for a second who the person might be who drives this car. When he came out to pump his gas I was trying to find something I lost in my car. When my tank was full I took out the nozzle out and proceeded to get ready to go when I heard "Have a great Rosh Hashanah". I looked up, the driver who had the gun family, casually dressed and likely the stereotype I had the second I saw the sticker had wished me a happy new year, in Hebrew, a few days before the holiday. A stranger, seeing my kippah, made me feel included and in my head I didn't do the same. I have to say that was an interesting feelings a few days before Rosh Hashanah. Even after he said it I assumed he wasn't Jewish and just said thank you. Then as we both returned to our vehicles I said, "Have a great day". There I was, my soul naked to the world. My prejudice was out there, in the open, and while no one else saw it, I did. It has haunted me all day, especially as I do High Holy Days preparation. I was reminded of a song from my punk days. The Offs had a song, Everyone's a Bigot, lamenting that some oppressed groups still harbor bigotry that they call to end against them. I see that they were talking about me. We all have biases. Some more than others, but we all carry a series of prejudices and too often we let them come out. Even when people are trying to fight that very thing. Years ago I responded to a book for early childhood teachers, called The Anti-Bias Curriculum, with a workshop called Bias-Awareness Beyond the Anti-Bias Curriculum. My point was that while trying to eliminate bias you build new ones. The writer of the curriculum seemed hostile to deeply religious people for example. In the end however, she felt that she had a way to eliminate bias. We shouldn't be about eliminating bias, it should be about confronting it. When we think we have eliminated bias, we become blind to our own.
Confronting our own biases are difficult. There is some irony about the fact I went to a production of 12 Angry Men at the Indiana Repertory Theatre yesterday where those 12 men, judging the life of a young man, confronted their biases head-on. They did it in a crucible of a jury room. It is amazing to see the bias of others laid out in the open as the play does, but it also is a strange feeling when you can see it in yourself.
Part of the High Holy Days is looking at your missing of the mark for the past year. We are not looking to be perfect, for in fact we never can be, but addressing the short-falls and acknowledging them is an important part of who we are as Jews and I dare say human beings. I know I have some strong prejudices. I can't really do T'shuvah for this as I will likely never see this guy again. But it does make me think more the next time I see this kind of thing. Perhaps this season I can make a list of where my prejudices focus on them. For those who celebrate may the New Year bring you joy and the opportunity to see yourself how others see you, embrace the greatness they see and work on the problems we can identify. Shana Tova.
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